If you did not read the previous entry, you probably should if you want to feel the full impact of this one.
JD picked me up as was the usual on Saturday night. I must have spent 5 minutes in the car before I decided to bring up a particular line of conversation – basically my decision to not be with him. My seeming impatience in bringing up the topic had nothing to do with impatience actually, or any desire to just get the issue off of my chest. It was simply that I had no interest in struggling to find a basis for a conversation again that night.
After I told what I had to tell him, he became extremely quiet for the remainder of the ride to his house. I asked him if he was going to be that uncommunicative for the night, and he said that when he arrived home, he would talk. Needless to say, I was highly anticipating our arrival at his house.
When we got to his house, he went to his bed and lay down, still quiet. I laughed and asked him if he had originally planned to pick me up, bring me to his house, and then go to sleep even before I informed him of my decision. He responded that he was tired and had a headache. (Maybe he contracted this headache from his ex or something).
Me: “What the hell did you do for the entire day to make you so tired now?”
JD: “I went to church. I went to the mall. Then I picked you up. And then I got a headache.”
I laughed. I mean, it was funny after all.
But later on the headache eased, and JD began to make a few revelations.
The first was that he had actually told his mother the prior week that he could not be with me. Ooh! So I have good timing then! As for why he could not be with me? He told me that his reasons were similar to mine. But he did say he was attracted to me. Which had me confused. But my confusion eased much later on. It eased much later on because that was when the major revelations came.
So let’s fast forward to “much later on”, shall we?
JD was sitting on the couch, smashing buttons furiously on my phone as he tried to beat my top score in “Snake” (because I am talented like that). I was sitting in front of his computer, playing “Free Cell”. (Does anyone notice what a completely fucked up “date” this is?) And as JD manoeuvred the snake, he spoke.
He told me that he and his ex were still “close” even though he was going out with me. He then proceeded to quantify “close”.
They were still having sex.
I whipped around so fast I almost fell out of the chair. Actually, I’m exaggerating. But I did spin around.
Me: “Really?”
The way I said “really?” must have given away what I would later reveal. I articulated “really?” in a way that a child would after finding out that the trip to the amusement park was not cancelled after all.
Me: “When was the last time you had sex?”
The last time they had sex was on Wednesday. We all know that the last time Flez and I had sex was Friday. The day in which these revelations occurred was Saturday, in case any of you have forgotten.
When did JD and his ex begin to have sex again? On mother’s day. His mother had left for Tobago for the entire day on that day. JD asked me to come over in his mother’s absence and “spend some time with him”, but I declined, preferring to study or watch TV, or whatever excuse I had given him at that point in time.
He had sounded disappointed then. And I felt slightly guilty, but it was level of guilt that was perfectly tolerable. I had known then that his ex had wanted to come over that day as well to have sex because she was “feeling horny”, but he had turned her down, asking me to come over instead. Now I had turned him down.
Turns out, now, that when he heard my negative reply, he had called his ex over after all. And they fucked around whole day.
So does anyone recall that whole studying together thing that I agreed to partake in? Anyone? Yeah. The parties involved were myself, JD, and his ex. That happened *after* mother’s day. I pointed this out to JD.
Me: “So I was the arsehole there, then?”
JD: “Basically.”
I laughed. And I laughed some more. I laughed even harder when I realised that the first sexual encounter between Flez and I occurred less than a week after JD’s first fuckfest reunion with his ex. Oh, the laughter never ends.
So, I figured, he came out with it, I should as well. I was really hoping that he thought:
“What? The bitch doesn’t want me? Fine, I’ll tell her what I was really doing all the time.”
‘Cause I would have basically pissed on his parade.
That aside, the only thing I don’t understand is the headache. If he didn’t care about me to start with, why the fucking headache? I asked him as much and he could not provide me with an answer, because he did not understand it himself. He later decided that it was because I rejected him. Nobody likes rejection, right? Yeah. I really do not know whether it was rejection that instigated his headache, but fortunately for all involved, it really matters not one bit.
But that’s pretty much it. Mutuality is a hell of a thing, isn’t it? Especially when neither party knew the extent of the mutuality until late. So this! This! What *this* was for the past few weeks was nothing but a fucking charade… for both parties! Nothing but a charade!
Just think that I was on the brink of being this man’s girlfriend? Can you fuckers believe that? This fucker can’t! *raises hand* To get an idea of what would have happened had I made that incredibly stupid decision, I asked him, after all was exposed, to tell me what he would have done. He would have gone along with it, he said. He would have made an attempt to be with me. But he could not tell me if he would have continued fucking his ex. I told him that I would not have stopped fucking Flez.
But JD was still attracted to me, right? He did say as much. Well, I asked him precisely what attracted him to me. The answer was my intelligence, and my body.
Oh you arsehole! Is that all you see me as? A piece of arse? Don’t I mean more than th…
Wait? Did he say intelligence?
I guess I’m moving a step up, eh?
So that’s the end of that, folks. The shittiest part of this whole thing is that I missed out on valuable studying time to humour this man when he called me and wanted to go out with me. At least I get to spend the next week and a half pounding the books before exams begin.
(Which reminds me – I don’t even know exactly where in Chaguaramas this exam is supposed to be.)
Anyways, I tried to call Flez to tell him the events of the night, but his phone was busy and I couldn’t get through on his cell phone. Ah. Some things never change. I already sent him a text message telling him I have a hilarious story to tell him. If he doesn’t call, I ain’t calling.
Who I do intend on calling, though, is James. I actually liked him a bit although he smokes and tried to fuck me on the first date. I spoke to him and got a reason (not necessarily a good reason, but a valid reason nonetheless) as to why he stopped calling me. When last I spoke to him (about three days ago or so), he told me that if things do not work out with the guy I was seeing (I told him a tad about JD), that I have his number and was free to call.
Well, James. As soon as my exams are over, guess who you’ll be hearing from.