Flez came over yesterday, as promised (for once), and gave me $400. I guess I’m not going to get the $2.50 in interest at the end of the month, after all.
Anyways, he promised to pay me off in weekly installments of $300, which would have me fully reimbursed before the end of the year. Isn’t that amazing? The only thing that sucked was that he was acting so smug about it.
“Does that meet your requirements?” – Flez
It would have met my requirements if it had happened 6 months ago.
But I am not displeased – it was better than what I was going to propose – that he pay me off in 2 final monthly installments – also should have me paid off before the end of the year, but his idea gets me cash 2 weeks sooner, and that’s all right by me.
As for why he didn’t call when he was supposed to? Why did he take so long to contact me? Well… He was busy, of course.
And then, when I started acting up about the length of time I spent with my ear to the phone, waiting for him to pick up, he said:
“That’s in the past…”
Which is funny, because you know, the past is a good indication of the future.
“A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.” – Sidney J. Harris
I can’t help it if Flez made a cynic of me.
But that’s in the past.
Ha. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all use that as an excuse for our every fuck-up? Our every thoughtless moment?
Husband: “Hey, honey. Guess what. I just bought us two tickets to Maui.”
Wife: “Oh! That’s great! I needed a vaca…”
Husband: “Wait. Before I go on, I must tell you – last week, I had sex with your 26 year old 38-C-cup sister.”
Wife: “What! You fucking bastard. I should take your balls and…”
Husband: “Now, now, honey. That’s in the past.”
Wife: “The past my arse, you cheating son-of-a-who…”
Husband: “Look, honey. If you don’t stop focusing on the past, I’ll be spending my future in Maui with your fuck-bunny sister.”
You know what? I think Flez is on to something here.
Anyways, he promised he would get me my money when he said he would, and I told him my mother and I would hold him to that promise, and then he left.
Ooh. I did not mention that Mom was listening to all of this first-hand, did I? Well, she was, although she did not lend much to the discussion other than her presence and a single question. The question was simply to ask if Flez was sure he could keep to his promise, to which Flez replied with a unwavering “yes”.
A couple of minutes after Flez left, I heard shouts coming from downstairs. Mom and I went out into the balcony, and what a sight did we behold. Apparently Flez’s driving is not all it’s cracked up to be, and he had gotten the front right wheel of the car stuck in a drain outside of our driveway. Mom and I looked at the car, its fanny sticking up in the air like a prostitute ready to make the rent, and then we looked at each other and smiled.
I went downstairs to get a closer look. And to gloat, while I was at it. The timing was just beautiful, because that was when my father had just come home. What a sight to see ex-boyfriend, and his ex-possible-future-father-in-law-to-be (try saying that 5 times fast) working together to remove his car from the clutches of our drain.
“Karma?” I asked, when Flez turned to me.
“More like didn’t see?” He asked, in turn.
“Call it what you wish,” I muttered.
I watched them struggle some more, and then I said:
“While you’re here hanging out, I want to know – did you do your exam yet?”
[The money I had lent him was for him to do some computer course. Courses are usually meant to end in some sort of exam, after all.]
“No,” he said. “I’m too busy… You should see the size of my textbook. It’s this big.”
And he opened his fingers about the thickness of a telephone directory and a half.
“You should see the size of my 3 textbooks,” I responded, not bothering to accompany my statement with any finger motions.
[As an aside though… OH MY SWEET AND MYTHICAL JESUS! Paper 2.1 SUCKS. IT IS SO FUCKING BORING. You know what? ACCA should invest in the mythical services of a 2.1 fairy or some insipid equivalent. His/her job should be simply to flit around to all the unfortunate boys and girls who are attempting to study 2.1 but end up rushing from their study desks in search of more interesting pastimes. Pastimes like
1. Watching mould form on newly baked bread – in real time.
2. Tweezing every strand of the body hair of an Italian woman.
3. Watching re-runs of Martha Stuart’s Apprentice show.
See, what the 2.1 fairy would do, just as the students lifted themselves from their seats, is fly up to them and break a glass rum bottle over their heads.
Don’t worry! The bottle would be completely empty. Waste not, want not.
Now if that is not enough for them to get back to work, she would take that same broken bottle, and shove it up their arses – broken side up, all the way up, until it disappears.
It would definitely work for me. I mean, studying 2.1 wouldn’t seem so bad after getting arse-fucked by the 2.1 fairy, right?
You know what? I think I’m on to something, here.]
Anyways, back to Flez’ stuck car. I was asking him if he had taken the exam, and he was telling me he was a lazy, disinterested bum. So I said:
“I really do hope that you pass, because it would definitely suck to think that I lent you that money just so that you would have something to do with your Saturday afternoons.”
(i.e. go to class)
A couple minutes later, a thought suddenly occurred to me. It came to me when I saw Mom coming down the stairs.
“Mom! Mom! Where are you? Get me my camera and two batteries, now!”
My aunt, who was watching the action from her window in the house next to mine, chuckled at that one.
But just as I said it, the car was finally freed from the drain.
My aunt vocalised my sentiments:
“Aww! Too late!” And she laughed.
I swear to all that is… umm… agnostic… that I would have posted those pictures on my other website, and linked it here. GODDAMNIT!
My mother came down empty-handed. It was my brother who brought my camera for me – too late, anyway. Mom looked at the camera, and said:
“You should have thought of that sooner.”
Well who knew? My mother is as evil as I am.
Anyways, when Flez bid his final goodbye, no one paid him much attention.
All and all, it was quite interesting a meeting. I’m still a bit peeved that I didn’t think of my camera sooner.
FUCK DAMNIT!