The L-word was used. Not by me. And no, not “lesbian”. The Syrian used it. Twice. The first time, I heard it, but chose to ignore it, because he was talking only generally about me, and the L-word was not immediately followed by “you”. The second time… well.
The Syrian and I have not seen each other since that night in Tobago. We have very conscientiously been maintaining contact however, calling each on practically a daily basis, and sending endless text messages. Saturday night we spoke a few times during the day shortly, but then he had to go out to some club in Tobago. Me, on the other hand, had to go to sleep.
My ringing phone woke me up at about 1:30 in the morning and we spoke again, for maybe 10 minutes before my sleepy mind ran out of things to say, and he told me to go back to sleep. Half asleep, I kept thinking about him, and finally I called him back.
The Syrian: “Hello?”
I was half asleep, and was therefore saying the first things out of my mouth.
Me: “You’re still awake.”
The Syrian: “Yes.”
Me: “I can’t fall asleep.”
The Syrian: “I’m sorry. I should not have wakened you.”
Me: “No… I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you so much. I keep thinking about how much I want to kiss you, and touch you…”
The Syrian: “I miss you, too, baby…”
And then he went on, saying that he had not felt like this since his first girlfriend, and that he has not felt for other women since he met me, and he thought initially that his feelings for me would go away, but every time he talks to me, they only get stronger. He used the L-word at some point during those confessions, but it ran into everything else, and I chose to ignore it.
We spoke a bit more, and I told him I was on my cell phone, so I had to go. My eyes were closing down on me.
Me: “Bye bye.”
The Syrian: “Good bye… I love you.”
So much for sleep. My eyes widened, and they remained that way for the next 2 hours.
Me: “… What… What… Really?”
The Syrian: “Yes… I would not say it if I did not mean it.”
I explained to him how seriously I took those words, and he responded by pointing out that he had little to gain from saying those words unless he meant it because he was in Tobago, working 6-day weeks on his restaurant, and I was in Trinidad, restricted by my parents.
I sputtered for a while, but accepted what he said. I also told him that he effectively wrote away any sleep from my body with those words. This was about 2 in the morning. I hung up with him eventually, because I was still on my cell phone, but did not go back to bed.
I went to the computer to organise my music. I went out in the living room to watch all the day-forsaken shockers of late night TV (really weird movies), and also some MadTV on Comedy Central. I called The Syrian a couple of times to see if he was awake – he was. We eventually went to bed around the same time – about 4 in the morning, although I did not fall asleep until almost 5.
Looking back now, I am not absolutely certain why I was so perturbed by what he said. Firstly, I do not feel the same way. Goodness knows, it takes little time for me to fall in love with someone, but certainly not 2 weeks of phone-talk and 8 hours of face-to-face / body-to-body contact. So the lack of mutuality could be one irking factor.
The second thing is… well, it is so difficult to believe, right up there with the too-good-to-be-true situations one must be wary of. The Syrian is undoubtedly the most good looking guy I’ve ever been with – both in terms of face and body. He is pretty damn comfortable financially. He has tonnes of friends in high places, if I am to believe what he tells me – his uncle, whose name I MUST leave unmentioned, owns a quart of the country’s private sector, not to mention his countless friends. And best of all, I can make him cum from a BJ like that. What more could I possibly ask of my perfect guy? I don’t know… to live in Trinidad, perhaps?
The third thing is… well, I like the guy. No doubt I do. But… I wonder if I like him not because of *him*, but because of all the things listed in the above paragraph. He certainly does have little idiosyncrasies which I love, and I cannot overlook the fact that we can talk for an hour or so at a time, despite the language barrier. Still, I am wondering if his beauty is blinding me, to be quite honest.
Ah, the uncertainties… In totally unrelated news, I have spent a great deal of the weekend organising my music. I think I want to delete GTA San Andreas, since I completed it so long ago and have not touched it since – it is taking up almost 5 gigs of space that will soon undoubtedly be needed for music.
There’s also Zodiac – he called me on Saturday, asking me if I wanted to go to the movies with him. I turned him down to study. He seemed upset, so to mollify him I promised to go with him next week Saturday. The Syrian also told me he would try to come that weekend to see me. Of course this is not the first time he has said this, but it would be interesting if it does actually materialise then. And it would certainly be interesting to see how I will react if he says the L-word again.
“Someone swears his true love until the end of time. Another runs away. Separate or united? Healthy or insane? To be yourself is all that you can do.” – “Be Yourself” by Audioslave