So there we have it. I am a groupie. What’s more, I have been unfaithful. This marks the first time I have been unfaithful to a boyfriend. Sure, it was just a kiss, but a kiss still counts as cheating. And because it was as a good a kiss as it was, it makes me want to do even more than just kiss.
Sunday morning, half asleep and half awake, I fantasized about having full fledged sex with Ant. Later on, I called him and we both agreed that what happened between us could not be told to anyone, especially at his company. We also exchanged these texts:
Ant: “Hey there.the kiss was real good.Actually turned me on so I guess u a lil skillful. Hehe.still watchin tv and pretendin 2 study?”
Me: “Sorry about the delay – had to wait till the commercial. Haha. I can do things with my tongue. So can you. Too bad i got a bf. Almost want to do it again.”
Ant: “Who wouldnt want to repeat that hot moment.i respect ur wishes ok. I guess i’ll have 2 settle wit a lil wine and ting.u miss out on a real good wine last nite.if i only saw u eh.hmm. Sorry i couldn’t show you all the other skills…!”
Then he said his nick-name for me. I cannot disclose it here, because it is too close to my real name.
“Never give your real name.” – BC Pires
I called The Syrian on Sunday night, and we spoke for a very long time, though I did not once mention anything about kissing another guy. I felt like shit. It was really weird though. At some point during the conversation, he told me that after he met me the first time, he had sex with 2 different women. Of course, my mood changed quite a bit. Back then, we had agreed that although we had no commitment to each other, we would still tell the other if anything happened between ourselves and another person. He had always told me that nothing happened between him and any woman, and here was this piece of news.
He further told me that he had tried to tell me before, but I had told him that he was joking, and I did not believe him. I honestly did not remember this at all. When I started getting really quiet, with my voice noticeably trembling when I spoke, he started asking:
“Are you okay?”
I was not even sure how to answer that question. Later on, I said that I would talk to him later, cutting our conversation short. That was when he said:
“I was just joking…”
That is just not something to joke about. I did not feel any happier after he said that, and it showed in my voice. He tried his best to make conversation after that, but I was still mostly quiet. He kept insisting that he was joking, and I kept saying that I wanted to get off the phone.
That was such a weird conversation, especially in light of the untold happenings between myself and Ant.
Monday morning, I then found out that my picture was in full colour in the #1 newspapers in Trinidad. Chik and Sha were both in the picture as well. My face, go down to just above mid thigh came out quite clearly. I really was not paying attention to all of those people in front of us taking pictures.
Someone at my office showed me the picture, and later in the afternoon when I went to the company at which Ant worked, everyone could not stop teasing about me making the newspapers. Ant and I continued chatting at the office as if nothing had happened between us, for the benefit of everyone else, of course. For the first time, he dropped me into Port of Spain from work. He made me listen to Scepultura’s remix of Bloody Roots with Pavarotti. The song was not half bad actually.
When I got home, the first thing I went for was my cell phone, which I had forgotten home that morning, and saw 3 missed calls and a text. The text, as well as one of the missed calls was from Ant.
Ant: “Yo.well doh answer yuh fone and tex nah snob. I saw u in d papers! Lol
Me: “I only now got your message. I forgot my phone home…”
Ant: “Careless girl. Hmm. Wat u have on yuh mind so?”
Me: “Haha. Funny you should ask. You don’t want to know.”
Ant: “Talk nah.lemme hear”
Me: “You’re not going to get anything out of me so easily. Besides, you’re a smart fella. You can figure it out.”
Ant: “Gosh u difficult eh.want me call u later?”
Me: “I can be… Do whatever suits you, hon.”
He called me, curious as ever. He repeated something he told me before – that if I wanted to talk, I could call him. I eventually told him exactly what I was feeling – that I felt like shit after talking with my boyfriend, although I wanted to do again what we had done the night before. We spoke a bit, then he told me he might call me later.
The sad thing is, it is so easy to cut off this thing that is slowly growing between Ant and I. I know exactly how to cut this off. The problem is, I really do not want to.
"You are my temptation. You are my temptation to do what I knew is wrong. What I knew is wrong." - Vast, "Temptation"