*Disclaimer*
I cuss quite frequently, and also talk about sex ever so often. If you can’t deal with it, go read some other fucking diary.
*The Basics*
NAME: On diaryland, I go by Tiragem Roça. If you have emailed me, and I was so kind as to respond, you would have probably seen another of my aliases: Hel Heifer. I’ve got a zillion more.
SEX: I can cross my legs just fine, thank you very much. And that, I suppose, would make me female.
AGE: 18 years old, and hoping to get older as the years go by.
NATIONALITY: I am Trinidadian. That would mean I come from the Republic of Trinidad & Tobago, a country that is now vying for the title, “Least Known Caribbean Island”.
LOCATION: Laventille, Trinidad. If you want to know the quality of my environment, you would only have to look at the UN advisory that warns all of those UN employees to steer clear of the town. That advisory has been in effect for a few months now.
LIVES WITH: My mother, my father, and my two younger brothers who are 8 years and 13 months.
SCHOOL: Upper Six of an all-girl, Catholic, so-called prestige school… That narrows it down to about 10 schools, if you know anything about Trinidad. And if you’ve read my diary, you’ve probably figured which of those 10 out by now.
*Getting a bit in-depth*
OBLIGATIONS: My two obligations are home and school, so my life is essentially and endless journey between the two places. Oh yeah. I live the fast life. A third (unwanted) obligation might be church.
SPIRITUALITY: I am not very spiritual at all although I know a lot about the bible and will gladly watch any programme dedicated to discussing the viability of religious claims/miracles etc. In fact, I would be quite pragmatic if I weren’t so scatterbrained. I am presently agnostic, but hoping that something will soon make me decide… like God appearing to me in a vision and telling me that He really doesn’t exist, after all.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Straight, but flexible.
*Top five pastimes* (in no special order)
1. I love to draw, and specialise in women. I am fascinated by the female body, never mind that it is so exploited.
2. My first love is reading. And according to my mother, I’ve been doing so ever since I was 2. Interestingly enough, when I was 12 or 13, she tried to ban me from reading for 2 weeks. It didn’t work. Now, although my favourites are horror and drama, I will read almost anything fictional… EXCEPT romance. I despise romance. I will admit, however, that from ages 9 to 11, when I was fascinated by Nancy Drew detective stories and Christopher Pike novels, I did fit quite a large number of Mills and Boons, and Harlequin Desire romance books into my reading schedule. Then I turned 12 and realised that love, romance, and sex were *nothing* like that, and I have never laid my hands on a romance book since. The only exception to the purely fictional books I read are the occasional psychology book, and autobiographies of film stars from the classic era of television (1930’s, 1940’s etc)
3. I am trying to write my own novel right now.
4. I love movies. I was a huge movie buff until the internet managed to distract me.
5. I am an up and coming gamer. I would be a hard-core one if I had the resources to actually buy these games, and also if I did not have school to distract me.
*Favourites*
COLOUR: I do not have a favourite colour. I see no point to having one. If someone asked me to pick one, I’d probably say “black”, but what the fuck am I supposed to do with a favourite colour? Wear it all the time? Fuck no. I happen to think I look good in other colours. Paint my room in it? Fuck no. I’m a pre-university student. I don’t need my room looking as dismal as my thoughts, k?
NUMBER: Once again, another pointless favourite. I do not play the lottery. Why would I need a favourite number?
WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY FAVOURITES?: Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. I have a favourite movie. American Beauty. It changed the way I saw life.
ANYTHING ELSE?: Uhh… Get back to me on that.
*Top 5 annoyances* (in no particular order)
1. Vanity. I hate people who take how they look too seriously, even if they are nice personality wise.
2. Children. I honestly do not like children, although I sort of want to have them when I am older. They only child I can stand is my 13 month old brother, but he’s still cute and a baby. The 8 year old, I cannot stand; I cannot remain in an enclosed area with the boy for any extended period of time (60 seconds or more). I distinctly remember a couple of times when I wanted to bash him over the head with a malta bottle, and another time when I wanted to take off my shoe and hit him.
3. People who try to push their beliefs on you. Please understand that this is different from “extremely religious people” because, although you may find it hard to believe, a couple of my friends are extremely religious.
4. Going to church. The parental units are currently unaware of a tiny, inconsequential fact: that their daughter does not believe in God, and unless said daughter wants to be dispossessed, she will ensure that said units remain oblivious.
5. Television shows like “Rich Girls”. I adamantly refuse to watch a show about two girls rich enough to wipe their arses with hundred dollar bills.
*Illicit/unChristian things I have done*
I have had lesbian sex out of curiosity and fun.
I have stolen (3 bottles of soft drink) and will most likely never do it again. It’s not that I feel guilty; I’m not. It’s simply that stealing is unfair to the person who you are stealing from, and I know that I would be pissed if someone stole from me.
I have fucked (utilising several different holes in several different positions) one guy although I do not love him and know that I never will.
I allowed my first boyfriend to take pictures of me naked.
I have, and will continue to masturbate.
I have used men for sexual gratification.
*Illicit/unchristian things I want to do*
Get a tattoo and/or piercing. I haven’t yet decided where and of what.
Run naked through the streets
Get fucked by two guys at once… one in each hole.
*Illicit/unchristian things I will never do*
Do any form of narcotic… legal or otherwise.
Engage in bestiality.
Use any excretory products during sex
Rob, shoot, maim, kill anyone.
Whore myself… maybe other people.
*Reputations that I have*
One is that I am perverse. Everyone in my class knows that I talk the talk. A few of my friends know that I walk the talk. Only one friend (Cherry-d) know just how far I’ve journeyed.
Another is that I can draw. The last week of school, a girl from my class recruited me to draw a portrait of her entire family. The reputation though, is mainly for drawing naked women.
A third is that I can write essays really well. Maybe this is because I won a couple of essay writing competitions, and got one of my essays published in the local newspaper. That’s a possible reason.
I have a reputation for being agnostic. I am, after all, the only person in the entire year group who publicly admitted to a lack of belief in God. Owing to this public release of information, I have been verbally attacked and/or interrogated by several of my school colleagues.
Everyone thinks I’m strange. Go figure.
*Things that will constantly be discussed in my diary*
I will talk about religion quite frequently, mainly about my lack of beliefs, why I am undecided and how things make me paranoid about not believing in God. Coercion (into going to church) on the part of my parents will also be discussed in great detail.
Sex is another big thing in my diary. It is one of the better pastimes. I think about it all the time, and occasionally, I do engage in it. I see no reason to omit it from my diary. But more than sex, I also talk about relationships, love… that kind of thing… but not very often.
Occasionally, I might talk about politics or make a political reference, but honestly, I think I am distancing myself from the topic. I hate the political games the politicians play in this country. Moreover, there is no transparency in Trinidadian politics. The political parties (the UNC and the PNM) constantly make accusations about each other, but there is no independent body that can act as an arbitrator, or at least inform the public about what is really going on. Everything essentially boils down to “UNC said, PNM said”. I also hate how politics has divided this country along racial lines. I just want to get away from it all. The international scene is a bit better though – there are independent bodies uninfluenced, for the most part, by the political regimes of the larger countries. Occasionally, therefore, I may write something about the international political scene, unless it is superceded by some personal event and I have no time to write about both.
A bit of social commentary is scattered about my diary. The main topics are class separation, violence, and crime, probably. For the class separation, I grew up poor in a bad town, and although my standard of living has improved greatly since I moved away from my grandmother, it’s still not the richest way to live. I attend a school populated by affluent children. Two completely different environments, therefore I notice quite a lot. Violence and Crime… here’s what… google Trinidad and try to find some of the recent news coming out from it. Most of it would revolve around how terrible the crime situation is in this country.
Finally, there are the journal-styled entries. I just write about what I did that day, how everything annoyed me normal, boring crap like that – basically anything that comes to my mind.
*Anything else?*
I can’t think of anything else for now. Maybe I’ll add or delete stuff as time goes by.